My graduation is impending (t-minus two weeks) and I have mixed feelings. I am so excited to be done with high school. It seems that each time I approach the end of an era (elementary school, middle school, and now high school) I look back at the underclassmen and don't know how I can be in the same school with them. We go through so much change, especially within the short four years of high school, and I feel so distant from the 15 year old freshman that I once was. I'm ready to move on.
But, college poses its own set of challenges. I don't really want to be a freshman again and I don't want to have my life sucked away by hours of studying. Though I'm glad that I'll be in the honors program at Colorado State, I do worry that the smaller and more challenging classes will be too much. Or maybe my participation in the honors undergraduate research program will take too much time. It will be a lot of work to keep my life in balance. I keep reminding myself not to not worry about it for now, that if it's too much then I'll "cross that bridge when I come to it" as my mom likes to say. For now, I'm trying to stay in the moment and focus on enjoying the end of high school and my summer before I worry about college.
Like almost every teenager leaving home I'm already suffering from home sickness. Okay, maybe that's not so normal. I love hanging out with my parents (I think they're pretty cool) and unlike many of my friends I love where I live, rain and all. This makes it way harder to leave. If only CSU could move to Washington! I'm darn happy here with my parents, my cat, my city, my friends, and my significant mister that I can't believe I made the choice to leave. The whole thing about simplicity is living in a way where you are choosing to be happy and I'm choosing to leave the things that make me happy. I'm keeping in mind the family I'm so excited to visit in CO and all the great opportunities and friends that await me. I know I'll find my place and that my happiness will step off the airplane with me in August, I would never leave it behind.
But I've also been peeking around at my options should I decide that my place is back here. It's nice to know I have options, even if I never utilize them.
At the end of 2012 I picked my word for this year: brave. It's time for me to live away from home, even if just for a little while, and prove to myself that I am brave and I can take on this challenge.